Supermegadildos!!!!!

Many of our readers out there may not know this, but it has been widely reported that there are waves of dolphins wielding dildos and using them on random passersby on the East side of Manhattan.* We have recently learned that there is another gang doing the same thing, but on the West side. The other major difference? This time it's manta rays doing the devious dildoing. What will happen when these phallicly felonious fish meet up with the similarly purposed porpoises is anyone's guess!**

Juicy Carmichael (kick) and The Hammer of Justice were thought to be investigating, but only raucous laughter could be heard coming from the "Queen of Kickin'" and "Hammer Swingin' Sister" when they were asked.

Only one question remains: Are these the drunken ravings of a madman, or the mad ravings of a drunk?

The world may never know.

*"Fa...Loves...Anal Rape."
**Probably some kind of dildo/sword fight.

News Article Linking!

Don't you hate it when the news links expire on yahoo, ruining your brilliance? I sure do!

Some (More) News Links- Dio Style!

Hot...and...hungry!
How do we escape?
Hot...and...hungry!
I need a nice canapé!

The ladies of the sky are needed!
The ladies of the sky, we're pleadin'!
Come and soar, like never before,
Beware the manticore!

(Spoken) The animals are dead,
No more needs be said.
(Sung) But, now you collect all the gold.
The truth must be told!

Some News Links-Dio Style!

We know we don't have the poetry of Dio quite down yet, but we're working on it! (Needs more chimeras, right?)

You...are...a hypocrite!
You...lie...in the sky,
Above crimson tides!
Rock on!

Holy classes,
Don't belong in public schools!
Holy classes,
Stubborn as mules!

Hidden among the elms
An unheard tale
Of bushes giving in!
Hope they'll do it again!