Supermegadildos!!!!!

Many of our readers out there may not know this, but it has been widely reported that there are waves of dolphins wielding dildos and using them on random passersby on the East side of Manhattan.* We have recently learned that there is another gang doing the same thing, but on the West side. The other major difference? This time it's manta rays doing the devious dildoing. What will happen when these phallicly felonious fish meet up with the similarly purposed porpoises is anyone's guess!**

Juicy Carmichael (kick) and The Hammer of Justice were thought to be investigating, but only raucous laughter could be heard coming from the "Queen of Kickin'" and "Hammer Swingin' Sister" when they were asked.

Only one question remains: Are these the drunken ravings of a madman, or the mad ravings of a drunk?

The world may never know.

*"Fa...Loves...Anal Rape."
**Probably some kind of dildo/sword fight.