Oh, man! Don Henley? Really? Oh, what fools these mortals be! What kind of crack are you smoking?* Have you learned anything? It looks like it's time for another head-to-head challenge! It...is...ON!
"Try not to wet your pants, Henley!"
"Try not to wet your pants, Henley!"
"Too late."Dio was in the greatest hard rock band of all time: Dio. Henley was in the Eagles. The EAGLES, fer crissakes! The worst band of all time! Everytime we hear that "Hotel California" start up, we pray that there's a God so that He will go back in time and prevent this song from ever being written!*** Downright awful. I shouldn't have to even go on, but I will!
You see that picture of him, pensively chewing on his glasses? This is a rocker to you? Maybe if I drove a Volvo! But, I don't!**** So that's not a rocker!
Don Henley used to play in a country band with Kenny Rogers! Kenny Rogers is the epitome of all that is wrong in music today! Dio used to play in a blues based, Tolkien inspired band in the sixties! Blues vs. Country, I know that this might be a tough one if you had never heard music before. But, since I know you have, we all know the answer!
Dio sings about mythological beasts and S.C.U.B.A.***** diving priests! Henley likes to sing about little boys in summer. He likes to see them in shorts, I guess. Pervert!
Don Henley had a song making fun of him recorded by a great band. What'd he do? He wound up on stage singing with them. Ok, we admit that's cool and give him his props! But, Dio had a song written about him and he appeared on the band's next album and in their movie! That totally blows Henley out of the water!
Dio's greatest hits album: The Very Beast of Dio. That's 'Beast,' not 'Best.' That ain't no typo! Nothing could rock harder than that! Don Henley: Actual Miles. Actual Miles? Aren't 'actual miles' less than what's advertised? He admits up front that his song's are less than good! Rocks harder: Dio!
So, there you have it. Another head-to-head challenge which clearly shows the greatness that is Dio! You can keep saying you like Don Henley if you like perverted, raspy-voiced, country music!
*The strong kind it would seem.
**Do not read this footnote!
***Further proof of God's non-existence!
****I drive a Nissan Sentra!
*****Self-Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus
You see that picture of him, pensively chewing on his glasses? This is a rocker to you? Maybe if I drove a Volvo! But, I don't!**** So that's not a rocker!
Don Henley used to play in a country band with Kenny Rogers! Kenny Rogers is the epitome of all that is wrong in music today! Dio used to play in a blues based, Tolkien inspired band in the sixties! Blues vs. Country, I know that this might be a tough one if you had never heard music before. But, since I know you have, we all know the answer!
Dio sings about mythological beasts and S.C.U.B.A.***** diving priests! Henley likes to sing about little boys in summer. He likes to see them in shorts, I guess. Pervert!
Don Henley had a song making fun of him recorded by a great band. What'd he do? He wound up on stage singing with them. Ok, we admit that's cool and give him his props! But, Dio had a song written about him and he appeared on the band's next album and in their movie! That totally blows Henley out of the water!
Dio's greatest hits album: The Very Beast of Dio. That's 'Beast,' not 'Best.' That ain't no typo! Nothing could rock harder than that! Don Henley: Actual Miles. Actual Miles? Aren't 'actual miles' less than what's advertised? He admits up front that his song's are less than good! Rocks harder: Dio!
So, there you have it. Another head-to-head challenge which clearly shows the greatness that is Dio! You can keep saying you like Don Henley if you like perverted, raspy-voiced, country music!
*The strong kind it would seem.
**Do not read this footnote!
***Further proof of God's non-existence!
****I drive a Nissan Sentra!
*****Self-Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus
2 comments:
kenny rogers wrote the gambler. he knows when to hold them. don henley know when to fold them. (the only tour date on his site is at Fantasy Springs Resort Casino Special Events Center in Indio, CA on Feb 3, 2007 at 8:00pm) i'm not so sure that dio does. he's still playing arenas, like the young colts. not knowing when to quit is so not rock and roll.
i imagine foam flying from wayne's mouth as he types these rants.
Dio is God.
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